


one look at you and i can’t deny (i've got hungry eyes)

by halfwayinit



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 16:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwayinit/pseuds/halfwayinit
Summary: five times ben finds himself looking at callum, and one time he finds callum looking right back.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 11
Kudos: 139





	one look at you and i can’t deny (i've got hungry eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> tbh, i gave up on this halfway through and then for some reason felt like i couldn't leave it unfinished.  
it played out better in my head than what i could articulate into the fic lol  
title from 'hungry eyes' by eric carmen obvs
> 
> find me on tumblr - halfwayinit

**One:**

They’re in the Vic, Ben sat with Jay for a post work pint and Callum propped up at the bar with his fiancée. Ben’s been steadfastly ignoring him since he walked in, hand tucked into Whitney’s like they weren’t all over Ben just days ago. He necks back the last of his beer, gesturing towards Jay’s almost empty bottle, “Another?”

He doesn’t miss how Jay looks at him like he knows Ben’s in an off mood, but keeps his questions to himself and just nods, “Go on then, if you’re buying.”

Ben huffs out a laugh and hauls himself up to the bar. “Same again please, Shirl” he calls out, trying to grab her attention from where she’s nagging Mick over god knows what. He sees Callum’s head turn in his direction, but he keeps his own down, scrolling through his phone until Shirley slides two beers towards him.

It’s only when she’s gone to get his change that he lets his eyes wander to where Callum is sitting. Whitney’s on the other side of him, talking animatedly to Denise about some prospective buyer she’s got lined up soon. Ben doesn’t really care, to be very honest. He’s more interested in the way Callum keeps his gaze firmly down on the foamy top of his pint, like now he knows Ben is looking at him he can’t bring himself to look back. Even with frustration coursing hot through his veins, Ben lets himself appreciate how handsome Callum is. He might be annoyed with him, but he’s still got eyes.

His gaze lingers on Callum’s flushed cheeks, travels down to his chin, his neck, until it stops on the small purple bruise peeking out from the collar of his white shirt. How juvenile, Ben thinks. What Callum and Whitney get up to in the privacy of their flat has nothing to do with him, he knows, but it still feels like a slap in the face. Like a reminder of everything he and Callum could never, and will never, have.

He doesn’t let his eyes wander to Callum for the rest of the night.

**Two:**

It feels different to the first time.

There are no rushed hands or clashing teeth. No harsh wind leaving goose bumps on exposed skin, reminding them that they could be caught at any second. Instead its gentle fingers dragging and pulling, soft lips breathing out breathy moans into the darkness of the car lot. He could get used to this, Ben thinks. Used to Callum’s breathy moans in his ear, his strong hands clawing at Ben’s arms, his waist, anywhere he can touch. Callum’s beautiful like this, head tipped back and eyes fluttering closed in pleasure, mouth dropping open when Ben twists his hand just right. Ben revels in it, in the fact that it’s him who does this to Callum. It’s Ben who can turn him into this incoherent, blushing, beautiful mess.

When it’s over, they lay on the car lot couch wrapped up in each other, harsh breathing the only sound between them. Ben wishes they could stay like this all night, Callum’s arms wrapped around his middle, his head resting on Callum’s chest. He knows they won’t, they can’t, but he lets himself hope, lets his eyes close for a moment and just breathes.

The calm, as always, doesn’t last for long. It’s Callum who makes the first move, slowly shifting away from Ben, muttering about having to get back before anybody notices he’s gone. Ben doesn’t try to stop him. He knows whatever bubble they were in has been burst, the reality of what’s happening and what he’s feeling proving too much for Callum. Instead, he lets himself watch as Callum redresses himself. He feels that familiar fire in his belly as Callum pulls his shirt across his wide shoulders, long fingers swiftly button up the rumpled dress shirt. He’s so fucking beautiful.

Callum keeps his eyes firmly towards the ground, not once looking up at Ben, never seeing the effect he has on him. If he looked up, he’d be surprised at Ben’s expression, arousal and endearment somehow both present, none of the hardness that usually overtakes his features. Instead, he mumbles a quick “See you around” and darts out the door, back home to his fiancée, to the life he’s built.

Ben just watches him leave.

**Three: **

Ben’s only planning on grabbing a quick coffee to-go and heading to the car lot for the morning to work his way through the mountain of paperwork on his desk. But, like most things in his life, it doesn’t go to plan. His mum’s busy chatting the ear off him about some event she’s planning for The Prince Albert when he feels someone brush by him.

“We need to talk about it Callum, you’re shutting me out” Ben doesn’t need to turn around to know that it’s Whitney, but he does anyway. She’s sitting with her back to him, hand stretched out across the table resting on top of Callum’s. The sight of them like that hurts, but Ben knows he should get used to it, with the wedding only a few weeks away.

“Can you just leave it Whit, please? He’s gone, I don’t want to think about him anymore.” Callum’s voice is tired, pleading with his fiancée. Ben has a pretty good idea who Callum’s talking about, heard from Jay that Jonno was lurking around again. “You can’t keep pushing off talking about him Callum! You know he’ll be back again before the wedding.” 

Callum’s shoulders are hunched, tension visible throughout his whole body. Ben watches as Whitney shakes her head at his silence and gives his hand a quick squeeze, saying something about meeting him for lunch that doesn’t get much of a response.

Ben can’t look away even after she leaves. Callum looks exhausted, dark bags under his eyes and eyebrows knitted together in frustration. Even still, he looks beautiful to Ben. God, he was in deeper than he thought.

He doesn’t turn back around until his mum slides his coffee across the counter. Before he can think too much about it, he adds a cup of tea to his order. 

Callum doesn’t look up when Ben reaches his table, but he knows it’s him. He’s about to tell him to go, that he doesn’t have the head space to deal with him today. But before he can do that, there’s a cup of tea being put down in front of him and a hand gently squeezing his shoulder.

Ben leaves then without saying anything, coffee forgotten on the counter.

**Four:**

The silence in the air is deafening.

Ben wishes he could take the words back, hadn’t meant to say them in the first place. He’s not even sure why he’s here. No, that’s a lie. He does know why he’s here, and the reason is sat in front of him. Callum’s sat on the edge of his and Whitney’s bed, head in his hands.

“Please, Ben...don’t do this” he sounds broken, like he wishes Ben hadn’t uttered those three words. Ben’s in agreement with him there. He laughs bitterly, “What? Don’t try and stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life? From throwing away what we have?” he sounds desperate, even to his own ears. He supposes he is. Desperate to have Callum for himself, to hear Callum say those words back to him and to mean them.

But this isn’t a fairytale. Not a love story where the two people who are meant to be together actually end up happy.

That doesn’t stop Ben from trying one last time. He kneels down in front of Callum, gently pulls his hands away from where they’re covering his face. Callum looks a mess, eyes red and swollen from crying, face pale and tired. Ben’s sure he looks the same, everything that he’s been feeling for the last few months finally at the surface.

“I love you, Callum. Please don’t marry her”, his voice is shaking and he’s desperately trying to get Callum to meet his eyes, but he keeps them firmly on his knees where Ben’s still gently holding his wrists. Callum shakes his head but stays silent. Ben takes his silence as his answer.

Ben drinks in the sight of Callum in front of him, before he lets go of his wrists and stands up, wiping at his eyes before any more tears can fall. He clears his throat and walks to the door, “I meant everything I said, but I won’t wait for you Callum.”

He’s halfway out the door when he hears Callum choke out an apology. “I’m sorry.”

Ben doesn’t look back, doesn’t react until he’s in the comfort of his own home.

Then he lets his walls fall down, heart aching.

**Five:**

It’s been six weeks. Six weeks since Ben laid his heart out on the table, six weeks since Callum crushed it in his hands.

They’ve been successfully avoiding each other since the day of the wedding, never staying in the same place for long, excuses falling from both their mouths as easily as the lies did before. Ben’s feelings haven’t changed. He still loves the tall, awkward idiot. But he’s accepted that nothing will, or can, ever happen between them again. It would hurt too much, to have Callum to himself for stolen moments until he had to go home to his wife.

He skipped out on the nuptials, told Lola he wasn’t feeling well and to go without him. Really, it wasn’t a lie. The thought of sitting there and watching Callum and Whitney promise to be together forever, it made him feel physically sick.

All things considered, Ben’s been doing a pretty good job of acting like nothing’s wrong, throwing himself into work and spending more time with Lexi. The dull ache in his chest was still there, but it was lessening more and more with every week that passed. Maybe, just maybe, he could get over Callum eventually.

He’s sitting at a table in The Vic with Jay and Lola, when any chance of that disappears. It happens so quickly and out of the blue, that Ben’s not even sure if it’s happening at all. One moment he’s laughing at a story Lola is telling about her and Jay’s weekend to the coast, and the next he’s got Whitney screaming in his face about how he’s ruined her marriage. Callum’s trying to pull her back, not meeting Ben’s eyes, never meeting Ben’s eyes.

Ben’s up out of his seat in seconds, on the defence. “I don’t know what you think you know Whit, but I’m not the one who’s ruined anything. That’s all down to your lovely _husband_.” He spits out the last word like an insult, finally having a release for all the pent-up anger and frustration he’s been carrying since their wedding day.

Whitney’s crying now, all the fight drained out of her. Linda’s out from behind the bar as soon as the initial shock passes, pulling Whitney into her arms. “What the hell is going on here, Halfway?” she barks out, glaring at Callum who looks like he’s about to join Whitney in hysterics any second.

There’s a moment of silence where Callum just stands staring back at her, mouth opening and closing with no words finding their way out. It’s broken by Whitney’s bitter, tearful laughter. “I’ll tell you what’s going on. I’ve just found out that my husband cheated on me for weeks before we got married.” The pub is completely silent, punters waiting with bated breath for the pieces to fall into place.

Her mouth turns up into a sneer before she continues, “With Ben.”

What happened afterwards is a blur, the pub erupting at the bombshell. Ben remembers Linda screaming at him and Callum, remembers someone calling him a homewrecker and the sharp sting of a hand connecting with his cheek. He’s pretty sure that was Tiffany.

What he remembers best is Callum’s reaction. He finally looks at Ben, and for the briefest of moments, Ben thinks he’s about to tell him that he told Whitney everything because he was in love with Ben, because he wanted to be with him.

The complete opposite happens, Callum shakes his head at him and turns away, begs Whitney to let him explain.

Any hope that Ben had left disappears.

**\+ 1:**

Winter has made its home in the Square, a permanent chill in the air, familiar heads peeking out from behind woolly hats and scarves.

Ben’s wrapped up in more layers than he can count, gloved hands gripping on to Lexi’s as he walks her to school. It’s early December, Christmas decorations on every corner they pass by. The sight of them excites Lexi and she chats his ear off the entire way to school about what she’s going to add to her list for Father Christmas. Ben can’t help but smile, feels lighter than he has in a long time.

The chill in the air has lessened slightly by the time he gets back from the school run. He flicks on the kettle, pulling two mugs down from the cupboard. The kettle hasn’t even boiled yet when he hears someone padding down the stairs. He smiles to himself, knows who it is by the sound alone.

Callum’s wrapped up in Ben’s dressing gown when he sleepily walks into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. The sight pulls at Ben’s heart, he can’t quite believe that this is real, that he gets to see Callum like this every morning.

“Mornin’” Callum smiles, pressing a kiss to Ben’s cheek before pulling him into his chest “’s so cold this morning” he shivers slightly, pulls Ben closer to him for warmth. Ben wraps his arms around Callum’s middle, enjoying the softness of the moment. It’s not often they have a morning as peaceful as this, usually both rushing out the door for work, toast in hand, Lexi moaning about not wanting to go to school.

But today, they’ve both taken the day off. Callum having a lie on and Ben making sure Lexi got to school on time so they could enjoy the whole morning to themselves.

Getting to this point, being together officially, it wasn't a smooth journey by any means. It was tough at first, Callum not able to let go of the life he built with Whitney and Ben finding it hard to believe Callum when he told him he wanted him. There were tears shed, trust to be rebuilt, and hearts to be mended. It most definitely was not easy. But, Ben thinks, where they are now makes it all worthwhile. 

“I was about to make you a cup of tea” Ben murmurs into the fabric of Callum’s, or more accurately _his_, dressing gown. Callum pulls back, smiling softly in that sleepy morning way that Ben can’t get enough of.

“What did I do to deserve you, eh?” he teases, pulls Ben in for a quick kiss so he knows he’s only joking, that he appreciates the gesture. “Mhm, better count yourself lucky, I don’t use my amazing tea making skills for just anyone” Ben’s smirking, turning back to flick back on the kettle, the water gone cold.

Callum sits at the table, lets himself drink in the sight of his boyfriend in front of him as he busies himself with the tea again. Ben’s got a looseness about him these days, like he doesn’t carry around the weight of the world on his shoulders anymore. Callum hopes that’s got something to do with him, with _them_.

His eyes are mapping out Ben’s face, moving slow and appreciatively over his features. He doesn’t look away when Ben turns fully towards him, mugs in hand. “You want to take a picture, babe? Might last you a bit longer” he teases, flushed cheeks giving away that he secretly loves Callum’s eyes on him.

Callum sticks out his tongue, quickly taking his tea before Ben can pull it away from him. “I can’t help it that my boyfriend is the most attractive man in East London.”

Ben’s blushing now, still not used to Callum being so confident about his feelings for him. He sits himself down in Callum’s lap, pulling him into a kiss, slow and sweet, like they have all the time in the world. Because they do.

And if they stay like that long enough that their tea goes cold, well that's okay with them.

**Author's Note:**

> any feedback/constructive criticism is appreciated x


End file.
